Burak Kantarci

The Courage to be Happy

Authors: Ichiro Kishimi, Fumitake Koga

The Courage to be Happy is a book that explores self-reliance and personal growth through the lens of Adlerian psychology. The core concept of the book is that true happiness and fulfillment come not from external validation but from developing genuine self-reliance and the courage to be oneself.

The book is in a conversational format between a *Youth* and a *Philosopher*. The first book of the series "The Courage to be Disliked" is also similar in telling Adler's ideas to us. In this one, the *Youth* has become a teacher who struggles to connect with their students and questions the learnings they gained from Adler's work.

As the Youth continues questioning the main teachings, our Philosopher gives a fresh perspective on education and personal development. Instead of treating education as intervention, he tries to promote fostering **self-reliance**. The Philosopher suggests that effective guidance comes through rational discussion rather than emotional praise or criticism.

While the book primarily addresses the relationship between educators and students, these principles can be effectively applied to various relationships, particularly in parenting.

Respect means the concern that the other person should grow and unfold as he is.

As the Youth resists the concept of self-reliance, the Philosopher examines why many individuals resist it. People often prefer external direction as it removes the burden of responsibility and complex decision-making. Notably, the Philosopher draws attention to the motivation of the Youth becoming an educator and suggests that he is actually not trying to be a "savior of the children." He points out the tendency of some individuals to adopt a "savior" role, attempting to rescue others as a way to compensate for their own insecurities and unconsciously avoiding self-reliance.

To illustrate why people often avoid self-reliance, the book presents this compelling quote from Kant:

It is easier to live according to 'direction from another'. One does not have to think about difficult things, and one does not have to take responsibility for failure. All one has to do is swear a certain allegiance and someone will take care of all one's troublesome tasks.

Our tendency to seek direction from others stems from our childhood, often referred to as the "Golden Age," when our parents managed all our needs. However, this creates a significant challenge:

Children are not the only ones who choose such a way of living. There are many adults who treat their own weakness or misfortune, their hurt, troubled background and trauma, as a weapon and plot how they will control other people. They will try to control others by making them worry and by restricting their own words and actions. Adler referred to such adults as 'pampered children' and was very critical of their lifestyle and worldview.

Perhaps most powerfully, the book concludes with a revolutionary perspective on love and self-reliance, which isn't merely about economic independence or work capability, but rather an attitude towards life. The author suggests that true self-reliance and adulthood are achieved through the capacity to love others, marking a definitive separation from one's childhood lifestyle. The essence of the book is captured in its powerful message: "Love, be self-reliant and choose life!" This love starts with loving yourself and others. Our Philosopher suggests that genuine happiness emerges from embracing self-reliance while maintaining the courage to form meaningful connections with yourself and others.